Man, seeing my post in the beginning of summer, I feel like I just wrote that post couple weeks ago. But two months have passed already. I just remember how excited I was to enter summer in Berkeley with a lot of training and a lot of fun. And my expectations were right!
So many things have happened. To quickly recap what happened over summer, I had Middle School Retreat for a weekend when I came back to Berkeley. The weekend after that, our life group had a Sierra Lodge day trip, and also a class day trip to Monterey Beach. On July 4th weekend, Junior Brothers had a Yosemite camping trip....(to Yosemite). It was pretty in-tents. And right after, I got to serve in Joy Camp, a camp for 2nd-3rd graders at Sierra Lodge. The weekend after that was our hosting of the World View Camp. And then the week after junior class went to Gualala for couple days.
During Middle School Retreat, which was only two days, we were pretty busy. We didn't have much time to prepare, but we had to play for praise, give an apologetics talk, a seminar on heroes of faith, and a panel. A lot to do, but not much time. I got to be part of praise and one of the apologetics topic, Relativism. As I was preparing for that talk, it went through a lot of revisions and a lot of tough times, EVEN getting it discarded completely the night before I was supposed to give the presentation. That night, I couldn't sleep that much because of nervousness and oh yea, I was sick too. I just remember praying that God will give me knowledge and guidance to speak about this topic well. What I realized was that I wasn't thinking about my audience when I was preparing for this talk. Because relativism is such a hard concept to understand even for college students, I had to be extra careful of how I presented it for middle school students. I realized how dependent I was of myself, and thinking too much about how I can present this topic well that I forgot what the true purpose of this talk was: to educate Middle School students. As it was getting discarded completely because of how convoluted it was, I prayed and realized that God needs to speak through me not me speaking out of my own strength. In the car ride up, Irene helped me make my presentation a little more simple and more digestible for the middle schoolers, and when we got up the Sierra Lodge, although it was finished, I wasn't prepared to present it that night. And I REALLY have a hard time speaking in front of a large crowd of people even though I'm passionate about that topic. My voice gets trembly and I get nervous. When I went up though, that fear just disappeared, and I was speaking very smoothly. I'm not sure what happened, but even though I didn't practice that much, everything was flowing well through my mouth, and I knew that God was speaking through me. Apparently, according to the audience, it was digestible. So it was a success for God. Another exciting thing about Middle School Retreat is the praise of course. The students are so excited for praise that it's a whole another experience for the praise team. As I said in the previous post, I got to play the electric guitar, and it was pretty fun. Even though I was horrible, just the fact that it was loud and powerful made it sound ok. One thing I regret about this trip is not being able to spend time with the students as much. Because we were in a time crunch all the time for lack of preparation days, their play time had to be our prep time. It was necessary, and the results came out to be powerful, but I just wished we had started earlier and got to spread the love to the students by interacting with them. But I mean the timing of the retreat wasn't too optimal for us to do that, but I'm still glad to be able to serve in this area.
Another area that I got to serve in was Joy Camp. It is basically a retreat for 2nd and 3rd graders. Some of the students from SFSU and Berkeley received the opportunity to serve. Luckily, for this camp, we had two weeks to prepare, and we had a lot of time to play with the kids and show some love. Especially because they are 2nd and 3rd graders, they have short attention spans. So basically, a lot of the day was spent playing games or just going somewhere for the whole day, such as Sand Harbor, which is a beautiful place by the way. There were three student messages and skits to go along with each message for a more interactive and engaging message. I was in charge of one of the day's scripts for the skit and also the campfire. My script-writing was eventually refined and modified by the staff, but it was an interesting experience to write a script. It is pretty hard though. Also, like I said, I was in charge of the campfire, basically preparing different songs and practicing so that I can lead the time of campfire. I am naturally not an energetic person who doesn't really get excited about a lot of things. Well, let me rephrase that, I don't show my excitement that much, but for campfire, I had to be especially excited and lead the time of excitement so that the students have a memorable night with fun and songs. I was a little scared because I'm not that great at guitar playing and I am not really good at singing and I can't even sing loudly, but the time turned out ok. It turns out kids just like singing really loudly and shouting, so they couldn't even hear my guitar playing and I didn't have to sing that loudly either. I thought that was good. It was just amazing to see how just having fun with them and spending a lot of time with them is a way to show God's love to them. They experienced a lot of joy and a lot of attention. Although I still don't like teaching little kids (I think they won't retain anything), I still grew a heart for them. They are young and innocent, and they need a lot of guidance to go in the right direction. I'm glad for what I got to experience because I got close to a lot of the SFSU Koinonia ministry and a lot of the Joyland teachers. I truly experienced the power of the gospel, bringing people together.
Along with all the fun trips, the thing that was most exciting for me probably was Advanced Course 101. I got to be trained to teach Course101. This is what I have been wanting to do for a long time. Even though I am inadequate and I have a lot more knowledge to gain, I love teaching. I love teaching about what I love. There are few things that I get excited about, and this is one of them. Each week, we got together after making an outline of the weeks, and got in small groups to teach each section of the topic for that week. And then, the staff would give us feed back or ask us some challenging questions that might arise from that week. There's a lot that I have to prepare before I can lead one, but I am still excited.
Summer was filled with a lot of fun and a lot of training, which is what I prayed for in the beginning. I am so excited for the new semester. It's like starting new again after some stormy sophomore year, learning a lot about myself. I'm excited for what God has in store for me and all of my peers.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Beginning and the End
Summer started...three weeks ago. Now is the beginning of summer, and also the end of summer. I would say a new beginning.
The three weeks I was in SoCal can be summarized into two words, relaxing and busy. Seemingly contradictory words both describe the summer days that I experienced. Some of the days, I went to my mom's work for the whole day, being my mom's assistant. It still amazes me how she can do this job by herself. At the same time, it's encouraging to see that she likes the job she's doing, and the business is getting better and better. The other times that I didn't go to my mom's work, I would be stuck at home because I had no car to drive and places were too far to walk. Those times were pretty relaxing because I just stayed home all day. My day would consist of sleeping, eating, reading a book, playing guitar, learning android programming, or watching basketball. Ok....it was pretty relaxing, but it started to get boring after a while. I would have SO much time throughout the day, just doing my own stuff at home, trying new things and repeating the same things over and over again.
What I'm glad though during those times, is that I didn't stay idle. Like I prayed in the beginning of summer...beginning beginning of summer, I occupied myself with doing things instead of just sitting on the computer thinking of what to do for 3 hours, eat, and sit around again. I guess it helped that I had books to read and things to learn. I started reading Shadow of the Almighty, a story of Jim Elliott. It is pretty inspiring to see how much faith he had in God. All his actions clearly revolve around God, and he is with God. Along with that, I had to prepare for Middle School Retreat, which is happening on the 16th and 17th. Because I am playing electric guitar for the band, I had to practice a lot....since I don't really know how to play electric. I guess it's a good motivation to learn. Also, NBA Playoffs are going on, so I got to watch that. Finally, my internship starts this week, so I had to prepare for that by watching online videos of android programming tutorial. Man, that's a lot of stuff. I'm glad that God provided me with all these things for me to do rather than just sitting idle in front of the computer.
After three weeks of that, I started to get bored. But I guess it was a perfect timing, since I came back to Berkeley now. That was the relaxing part of summer, where I can bum around at home...well more like stuck at home. Now, that summer ended. And a new summer is beginning in Berkeley. I'm looking forward to this summer, showing love to younger brothers and getting closer to everyone. I mean I already hosted an incoming freshmen before his CalSo, and he enjoyed it. There will be more people staying at our place over the summer, including Monica's little brother. I'm excited. It is indeed a new beginning. I know I don't show much excitement, but this is one thing I am excited about. Plus, the recent sunday service messages really spoke to me. It was about being cynical, and how deadly it is. I know how deadly it is because I experienced that a lot last year. What if this person thinks this way? What if they don't want to eat lunch when I ask? Eventually discouraging me to reaching out to other people. But not anymore. I gain strength through my God, and he will protect me and guard my heart.
Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus"
The three weeks I was in SoCal can be summarized into two words, relaxing and busy. Seemingly contradictory words both describe the summer days that I experienced. Some of the days, I went to my mom's work for the whole day, being my mom's assistant. It still amazes me how she can do this job by herself. At the same time, it's encouraging to see that she likes the job she's doing, and the business is getting better and better. The other times that I didn't go to my mom's work, I would be stuck at home because I had no car to drive and places were too far to walk. Those times were pretty relaxing because I just stayed home all day. My day would consist of sleeping, eating, reading a book, playing guitar, learning android programming, or watching basketball. Ok....it was pretty relaxing, but it started to get boring after a while. I would have SO much time throughout the day, just doing my own stuff at home, trying new things and repeating the same things over and over again.
What I'm glad though during those times, is that I didn't stay idle. Like I prayed in the beginning of summer...beginning beginning of summer, I occupied myself with doing things instead of just sitting on the computer thinking of what to do for 3 hours, eat, and sit around again. I guess it helped that I had books to read and things to learn. I started reading Shadow of the Almighty, a story of Jim Elliott. It is pretty inspiring to see how much faith he had in God. All his actions clearly revolve around God, and he is with God. Along with that, I had to prepare for Middle School Retreat, which is happening on the 16th and 17th. Because I am playing electric guitar for the band, I had to practice a lot....since I don't really know how to play electric. I guess it's a good motivation to learn. Also, NBA Playoffs are going on, so I got to watch that. Finally, my internship starts this week, so I had to prepare for that by watching online videos of android programming tutorial. Man, that's a lot of stuff. I'm glad that God provided me with all these things for me to do rather than just sitting idle in front of the computer.
After three weeks of that, I started to get bored. But I guess it was a perfect timing, since I came back to Berkeley now. That was the relaxing part of summer, where I can bum around at home...well more like stuck at home. Now, that summer ended. And a new summer is beginning in Berkeley. I'm looking forward to this summer, showing love to younger brothers and getting closer to everyone. I mean I already hosted an incoming freshmen before his CalSo, and he enjoyed it. There will be more people staying at our place over the summer, including Monica's little brother. I'm excited. It is indeed a new beginning. I know I don't show much excitement, but this is one thing I am excited about. Plus, the recent sunday service messages really spoke to me. It was about being cynical, and how deadly it is. I know how deadly it is because I experienced that a lot last year. What if this person thinks this way? What if they don't want to eat lunch when I ask? Eventually discouraging me to reaching out to other people. But not anymore. I gain strength through my God, and he will protect me and guard my heart.
Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus"
Friday, May 18, 2012
End of the Year
I fail at this.
So much have changed since last time I wrote a post. I ended half of my college years. Soon enough, graduations are going to come around and I'll be the one walking while my name is being called. That's pretty crazy.
Going back to dead week, I was pretty lazy and refusing to study. I kept up with all my work (most of my classes), and I was doing well in all of my classes. There was no point in me trying too hard especially because I didn't really care about getting an A. Not that I didn't mind not getting an A. My pride would probably be hurt, but then again, I just reasoned with myself that I don't need to get an A because I am a CS major, and grades don't matter too much with experience. While I was feeling this, I never bothered studying and always had no motivation to study. While I tried to study at DL, I got distracted in 10 minutes and walked around to see what other people were doing. In my heart, I was feeling that I should study because I want to get an A, but intellectually, I kept refuting myself and proving myself wrong that I don't have to study. I probably was going to be ok, but I felt somewhat frustrated that I didn't have enough motivation.
One day, I just wanted to gain more motivation and let my leader know about this, and he unexpectedly called me right away. I wasn't really expecting a response, but I'm glad that he did because I was motivated to study after talking to Joe for 15 minutes. One of the things he said was that diligence in one area leads to diligence in another. So if I am lazy about my studies, I am more likely to be lazy in my spiritual area. Another thing he said was to use what God gave you as much leverage as you can. What he meant by that is that God gave each one of us different talents and different strengths. It is our responsibility to cultivate that and use it for God's kingdom. The parable of talents come into mind. Joe said that whether I go to Grad school or not, I should still try my best in my field because they need Christians in all fields. If I have higher authority in academics, then I'll have greater impact when talking to someone. This led to him talking about how if I am reaching out to freshmen next year or the years to come, I'll have a greater impact if I have a higher GPA and do well in my classes. Think about same EECS major GPA 3.2 and 3.7. I would listen to the guy with 3.7 more carefully, not that I am discriminating with GPAs, but it's just the inherent respect. In any case, he said that I should try my hardest in anything so I don't regret.
I guess this really inspired me to study more. This small talk made me want to get A's in my classes. I think the reasons why I didn't want to study were that one, I could probably get an A without studying; two, I didn't want to fail. I wanted to attribute my failure to my lack of effort if I were to fail. This has constantly been my struggle where I never want to seem like I failed. I wanted to say that the only reason I failed was that I didn't try hard enough. If I were to try harder, I probably could have done better. I know that this is not a great thinking, and I should change. From now on, I want to try my hardest in every area so I am not lazy in other fields too.
So summer is here. Finals ended. I am back home in Irvine, and I have made some commitments that I want to keep for the summer. I am not going to waste time sitting idle like I usually do. One thing I wanted to do was read through the gospels because if I want to spread the gospel, I have to know fully about the gospel right? And another thing is I want to read other books, such as the Shadow of the Almighty.
One cool thing that I'll be doing over summer while I am back in Irvine is do something with my home church. Some of us from Gracepoint who went to my home church thought that our youth group needed something more substantial. Like I explained in the earlier post, the youth students are just going to church and thinking that they are Christians because they go to church. When the pastor speaks or they have bible studies, I'm sure it goes through one year and out the other. Just thinking back when I was in youth, I did the same thing. I didn't know what being a Christian meant or didn't know how to view my relationship with God, if I even thought that it was a personal relationship. Knowing this, we wanted to start a Course101/SK1/other stuff course to promote independence in the youth students that they'll never be complacent in their spiritual growth. The short time I am here, I can contribute, and Lloyd, who is staying down here the entire summer, is going to try to do it every Friday. It seems exciting to do something like this, actually being proactive about what I saw during Spring Break.
I pray that God will speak through us and use us to spark the interest of the youth students. There needs to be a lot of preparation done, but I pray that God will provide, and he will prepare the hearts of the youth students.
One quote that I liked that I read this week. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot
So much have changed since last time I wrote a post. I ended half of my college years. Soon enough, graduations are going to come around and I'll be the one walking while my name is being called. That's pretty crazy.
Going back to dead week, I was pretty lazy and refusing to study. I kept up with all my work (most of my classes), and I was doing well in all of my classes. There was no point in me trying too hard especially because I didn't really care about getting an A. Not that I didn't mind not getting an A. My pride would probably be hurt, but then again, I just reasoned with myself that I don't need to get an A because I am a CS major, and grades don't matter too much with experience. While I was feeling this, I never bothered studying and always had no motivation to study. While I tried to study at DL, I got distracted in 10 minutes and walked around to see what other people were doing. In my heart, I was feeling that I should study because I want to get an A, but intellectually, I kept refuting myself and proving myself wrong that I don't have to study. I probably was going to be ok, but I felt somewhat frustrated that I didn't have enough motivation.
One day, I just wanted to gain more motivation and let my leader know about this, and he unexpectedly called me right away. I wasn't really expecting a response, but I'm glad that he did because I was motivated to study after talking to Joe for 15 minutes. One of the things he said was that diligence in one area leads to diligence in another. So if I am lazy about my studies, I am more likely to be lazy in my spiritual area. Another thing he said was to use what God gave you as much leverage as you can. What he meant by that is that God gave each one of us different talents and different strengths. It is our responsibility to cultivate that and use it for God's kingdom. The parable of talents come into mind. Joe said that whether I go to Grad school or not, I should still try my best in my field because they need Christians in all fields. If I have higher authority in academics, then I'll have greater impact when talking to someone. This led to him talking about how if I am reaching out to freshmen next year or the years to come, I'll have a greater impact if I have a higher GPA and do well in my classes. Think about same EECS major GPA 3.2 and 3.7. I would listen to the guy with 3.7 more carefully, not that I am discriminating with GPAs, but it's just the inherent respect. In any case, he said that I should try my hardest in anything so I don't regret.
I guess this really inspired me to study more. This small talk made me want to get A's in my classes. I think the reasons why I didn't want to study were that one, I could probably get an A without studying; two, I didn't want to fail. I wanted to attribute my failure to my lack of effort if I were to fail. This has constantly been my struggle where I never want to seem like I failed. I wanted to say that the only reason I failed was that I didn't try hard enough. If I were to try harder, I probably could have done better. I know that this is not a great thinking, and I should change. From now on, I want to try my hardest in every area so I am not lazy in other fields too.
So summer is here. Finals ended. I am back home in Irvine, and I have made some commitments that I want to keep for the summer. I am not going to waste time sitting idle like I usually do. One thing I wanted to do was read through the gospels because if I want to spread the gospel, I have to know fully about the gospel right? And another thing is I want to read other books, such as the Shadow of the Almighty.
One cool thing that I'll be doing over summer while I am back in Irvine is do something with my home church. Some of us from Gracepoint who went to my home church thought that our youth group needed something more substantial. Like I explained in the earlier post, the youth students are just going to church and thinking that they are Christians because they go to church. When the pastor speaks or they have bible studies, I'm sure it goes through one year and out the other. Just thinking back when I was in youth, I did the same thing. I didn't know what being a Christian meant or didn't know how to view my relationship with God, if I even thought that it was a personal relationship. Knowing this, we wanted to start a Course101/SK1/other stuff course to promote independence in the youth students that they'll never be complacent in their spiritual growth. The short time I am here, I can contribute, and Lloyd, who is staying down here the entire summer, is going to try to do it every Friday. It seems exciting to do something like this, actually being proactive about what I saw during Spring Break.
I pray that God will speak through us and use us to spark the interest of the youth students. There needs to be a lot of preparation done, but I pray that God will provide, and he will prepare the hearts of the youth students.
One quote that I liked that I read this week. "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Spring Break
Spring break was this week. As I am about to go back to Berkeley later today, I don't know what to say about spring break. I fear people asking me "How was your spring break?" I don't want to give such a boring answer, "It was good," or "It was relaxing," but at the same time I don't want to give a full out long answer to bore them to death or anything. I'm sure people who are asking are probably just expecting those kinds of short answers. The truth is, I didn't have just such a good or relaxing spring break. In fact, my spring break was full of adventure, very fun at times, and other times were.....hm.....disappointing.
On Friday night (when spring break started), 12 of the Koinonia sophomore brothers and 3 staff went on a SoCal trip. We drove about 2 hours to San Luis Obispo first and stayed at a hotel there. Then, we decided to go on a night hike nearby, and it was pretty amazing. I love going on night hikes; it's very peaceful and relaxing even though the hike was pretty steep. I love the view once you get to the top and just staring at the stars at the peak of the hike. We did the very exact thing that I love about night hikes! However, as we got to the peak, there wasn't much view to see. It was like a power generator or something at the top, which was somewhat disappointing. But, we did sit down at a nearby grassy area and stared at the sky for a while. After a while, someone decided that we should sing, so we sang Amazing Grace. I have to say, it was a pretty amazing reflecting on God's creations and singing hymns to God at the same time. One more thing I like about hikes is that I get to talk to whoever I want about private matters in a public setting. I like talking to people one on one, but I always lose the opportunity. During a hike, everyone is either paired up or in a group, so it is easy to just talk to someone. I talked to Alex when I was coming down. Even though the hike was not too long, maybe 10-15 minutes, I had a nice conversation with him.
The next morning. We were about to go to Santa Barbara beach to hang out there, but we decided to just stay in SLO at a nearby beach because it was very empty. We didn't want to risk the fact that the beach would be full, and we wouldn't be able to do manly stuff, like playing sports. Well, first, we did a Mark Inductive at the beach, which was pretty nice except the wind. Listening to the waves crashing while reflecting on God's words and discussing with fellow brothers, I had a blessed time. Here are some pictures. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/68938658@N04/sets/72157629335037874/). Afterwards, we just played around at the beach, playing football, volleyball, rugby, and even sumo wrestling. Then, we tried to do a human pyramid with 15 people, but it didn't go too well. Even though I like these types of manly stuff, sometimes I wish I can just sit down and enjoy the beach. I wished we would have done more peaceful stuff, just taking fun pictures or sitting down. Actually, that's one of the reasons why I'm a Beach person rather than a Mountain person. You know those questions, "Would you rather go to a beach or a mountain." I always say beach, but it has to be an empty beach or sort of empty. I want to just sit down and stare in the distance. It is very peaceful. But yea, instead we played a lot of sports, but that was fun too. After a while, we headed down to our final destination, LA korean bbq. We met our peer sisters there at the korean BBQ place, and we ate a lot of food.
Overall, I would say the trip was pretty fun. There weren't any injuries or feelings hurt. Everyone had fun and got sunburnt. And everyone had a nice bonding experience.
On Monday of spring break, I met up with Alex, Gerald, Alec, and Wooky at a Korean BBQ restaurant in Irvine, called Gen. It was Alec's first time eating Korean BBQ, so we had to take him to a nice place. We destroyed that place pretty much. For five of us, we ate 24 plates of different kinds of meat, and 6 bowls of different soup, and 5 bowls of rice, not to mention the different side dishes that we kept ordering. The meat was in good quality, too. I kind of felt bad for the animals that were dying because of it though. The reason is that we ate so many varieties of meat there. Oh, that's one good thing about Gen. It has A LOT of variety that you can choose from, rather than the plain, old, but amazing, brisket and pork belly. We ate like cow tongue, cow belly, small intestines, and more. Afterwards, we went to Guppy House to get a "small" shaved ice. I say, "small," because that thing was HUGE. It's supposed to feed 4-6 people, and yea it did.
So yea, those were the more fun and exciting adventures of spring break. Now to less fun and exciting. I mean it was still fun and exciting, but I don't know. I guess it was tiring too.
Next few days, I decided to help out with my mom at work. My mom works at an Albertsons Sushi corner. It's a small business within Albertsons that we own, and basically, my mom makes different rolls and packages them to sell. I went last time during winter break, and it was pretty tiring. She has to constantly roll, but at the same time, she has to restock for the next day, prepare the crab meat/spicy tuna/raw fish, clean up, and a lot more. It's definitely a two-person job, but I'm not sure how my mom is handling by herself since September. I mean I guess it's do-able with one person, but it would be a lot easier if there were two people. So when we got there, we had to stock the display as fast as we can because a lot of people come around lunch time...to get their lunch...makes sense right? So we got there around 930, and had to prepare a lot of stuff, and then rolled around 40 rolls until 2ish. Then, we had our lunch break and rested for a while until maybe 4. Basically from there, she rolls the ones that are missing from the display, so the customers have a full choice when they come around dinner time. At around 6 or 7, we do a final filling of the display, and then clean up and leave. That's basically the job that she does except I just didn't mention all the preparation that are needed, such as cutting up cucumbers, making wasabi, making crab meat/spicy tuna, making rice, frying dumplings, cutting up raw fish, and a lot more. That has to go on while she is making the rolls and serving the customers. I did a lot of the cleaning and the preparation things while my mom rolled most of it. BUT, I did get to roll a lot :) I think in a day, I got to make around 10 rolls, while my mom made about 60. Each day, we average around 60-70 rolls. I was pretty proud of myself making those California Rolls and topping rolls and more. Even though it was tiring, just thinking about how my mom does this 6 days a week, and by herself, made me work harder and appreciate what she does. So this was a fun adventure, yet tiring. It was interesting going to her work and experiencing her life. I think she is happier though about this work because the hours are more flexible, it's our own business, and it's less tiring than being a waitress. I think she enjoys coming back home early. Also, she has some relationship with her customers too. There are some regulars who come everyday or every other day, and she knows them by name and knows what they want. I thought that was amazing seeing that she doesn't really know English that well. But seeing how she enjoys the work made me happier and seeing how she works hard made me want to work hard at school.
Finally, Friday. I didn't go to my mom's work because she told me to just rest and go to church later. It was a disappointing day. I got to see some of my high school friends. I guess I felt very disconnected from them. Just living as a Christian for a while, I see the sad life they are living, deluded by the world, and just deceiving themselves that they are happy. Maybe they are truly happy. Maybe because I see the other side of the world, I compare the two worlds together and decide which one is better in my preference. I do not know what it is, but I wish they are on the other side. I wonder if they will ever realize the truth in their lives. Also, I went to my youth group's bible study in the evening. Our youth group is falling apart. It kind of made me sad. We don't have a youth pastor anymore, no stable leaders, and not very many committed individuals. Because we don't have a pastor, our English Ministry pastor sort of leads the group, but it's mostly the staff taking care of the growth. 3 out of 4 staff are still in college, and one of them can only come down on the weekends. So it's pretty different from Gracepoint in that....well it's really different. I'm pretty sure it's not too different from when I was there in highschool, but now that I experienced Gracepoint, it kind of makes me sad looking at the youth. I feel like I really want to help in some way, but at the same time, I don't know how much of a help I can be from far away. But what encourages me is that there are some individuals who are really seeking out the truth, and really wanting to have a relationship with God. Most people, I feel like, come to have fun and the message is just another thing. Christianity is just a Friday/Sunday thing. They really need a stronger foundation and some of the leaders need stronger foundation also. Just imagining, if I went to UCI or UCLA, I probably would have served as a leader. And knowing me back then, there's A LOT of differences between me now and me back then. And thinking about how that me back then could have led those youth students, I wouldn't want that right now. I'm sure the college students/staff need some kind of a growth also, but I mean what can I do. Just one more thing I should pray for.
Through this experience, I realized and became even more grateful of my leaders and never giving up on me even though I was so blinded to my sins. It's so funny looking back and how I thought I didn't need leaders to grow and how I can grow on my own, but leaders are truly important. Spiritual leaders that can guide me and always keep me accountable. Spirituals leaders who set examples and show me how to live a better Christian life.
Ephesians 4:11, "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers."
God didn't just appoint some random people to be teachers and pastors to be there for nothing. They are who I need in order for me to grow. I thank God for all my leaders, carefully placed in different places in my life.
On Friday night (when spring break started), 12 of the Koinonia sophomore brothers and 3 staff went on a SoCal trip. We drove about 2 hours to San Luis Obispo first and stayed at a hotel there. Then, we decided to go on a night hike nearby, and it was pretty amazing. I love going on night hikes; it's very peaceful and relaxing even though the hike was pretty steep. I love the view once you get to the top and just staring at the stars at the peak of the hike. We did the very exact thing that I love about night hikes! However, as we got to the peak, there wasn't much view to see. It was like a power generator or something at the top, which was somewhat disappointing. But, we did sit down at a nearby grassy area and stared at the sky for a while. After a while, someone decided that we should sing, so we sang Amazing Grace. I have to say, it was a pretty amazing reflecting on God's creations and singing hymns to God at the same time. One more thing I like about hikes is that I get to talk to whoever I want about private matters in a public setting. I like talking to people one on one, but I always lose the opportunity. During a hike, everyone is either paired up or in a group, so it is easy to just talk to someone. I talked to Alex when I was coming down. Even though the hike was not too long, maybe 10-15 minutes, I had a nice conversation with him.
The next morning. We were about to go to Santa Barbara beach to hang out there, but we decided to just stay in SLO at a nearby beach because it was very empty. We didn't want to risk the fact that the beach would be full, and we wouldn't be able to do manly stuff, like playing sports. Well, first, we did a Mark Inductive at the beach, which was pretty nice except the wind. Listening to the waves crashing while reflecting on God's words and discussing with fellow brothers, I had a blessed time. Here are some pictures. (http://www.flickr.com/photos/68938658@N04/sets/72157629335037874/). Afterwards, we just played around at the beach, playing football, volleyball, rugby, and even sumo wrestling. Then, we tried to do a human pyramid with 15 people, but it didn't go too well. Even though I like these types of manly stuff, sometimes I wish I can just sit down and enjoy the beach. I wished we would have done more peaceful stuff, just taking fun pictures or sitting down. Actually, that's one of the reasons why I'm a Beach person rather than a Mountain person. You know those questions, "Would you rather go to a beach or a mountain." I always say beach, but it has to be an empty beach or sort of empty. I want to just sit down and stare in the distance. It is very peaceful. But yea, instead we played a lot of sports, but that was fun too. After a while, we headed down to our final destination, LA korean bbq. We met our peer sisters there at the korean BBQ place, and we ate a lot of food.
Overall, I would say the trip was pretty fun. There weren't any injuries or feelings hurt. Everyone had fun and got sunburnt. And everyone had a nice bonding experience.
On Monday of spring break, I met up with Alex, Gerald, Alec, and Wooky at a Korean BBQ restaurant in Irvine, called Gen. It was Alec's first time eating Korean BBQ, so we had to take him to a nice place. We destroyed that place pretty much. For five of us, we ate 24 plates of different kinds of meat, and 6 bowls of different soup, and 5 bowls of rice, not to mention the different side dishes that we kept ordering. The meat was in good quality, too. I kind of felt bad for the animals that were dying because of it though. The reason is that we ate so many varieties of meat there. Oh, that's one good thing about Gen. It has A LOT of variety that you can choose from, rather than the plain, old, but amazing, brisket and pork belly. We ate like cow tongue, cow belly, small intestines, and more. Afterwards, we went to Guppy House to get a "small" shaved ice. I say, "small," because that thing was HUGE. It's supposed to feed 4-6 people, and yea it did.
So yea, those were the more fun and exciting adventures of spring break. Now to less fun and exciting. I mean it was still fun and exciting, but I don't know. I guess it was tiring too.
Next few days, I decided to help out with my mom at work. My mom works at an Albertsons Sushi corner. It's a small business within Albertsons that we own, and basically, my mom makes different rolls and packages them to sell. I went last time during winter break, and it was pretty tiring. She has to constantly roll, but at the same time, she has to restock for the next day, prepare the crab meat/spicy tuna/raw fish, clean up, and a lot more. It's definitely a two-person job, but I'm not sure how my mom is handling by herself since September. I mean I guess it's do-able with one person, but it would be a lot easier if there were two people. So when we got there, we had to stock the display as fast as we can because a lot of people come around lunch time...to get their lunch...makes sense right? So we got there around 930, and had to prepare a lot of stuff, and then rolled around 40 rolls until 2ish. Then, we had our lunch break and rested for a while until maybe 4. Basically from there, she rolls the ones that are missing from the display, so the customers have a full choice when they come around dinner time. At around 6 or 7, we do a final filling of the display, and then clean up and leave. That's basically the job that she does except I just didn't mention all the preparation that are needed, such as cutting up cucumbers, making wasabi, making crab meat/spicy tuna, making rice, frying dumplings, cutting up raw fish, and a lot more. That has to go on while she is making the rolls and serving the customers. I did a lot of the cleaning and the preparation things while my mom rolled most of it. BUT, I did get to roll a lot :) I think in a day, I got to make around 10 rolls, while my mom made about 60. Each day, we average around 60-70 rolls. I was pretty proud of myself making those California Rolls and topping rolls and more. Even though it was tiring, just thinking about how my mom does this 6 days a week, and by herself, made me work harder and appreciate what she does. So this was a fun adventure, yet tiring. It was interesting going to her work and experiencing her life. I think she is happier though about this work because the hours are more flexible, it's our own business, and it's less tiring than being a waitress. I think she enjoys coming back home early. Also, she has some relationship with her customers too. There are some regulars who come everyday or every other day, and she knows them by name and knows what they want. I thought that was amazing seeing that she doesn't really know English that well. But seeing how she enjoys the work made me happier and seeing how she works hard made me want to work hard at school.
Finally, Friday. I didn't go to my mom's work because she told me to just rest and go to church later. It was a disappointing day. I got to see some of my high school friends. I guess I felt very disconnected from them. Just living as a Christian for a while, I see the sad life they are living, deluded by the world, and just deceiving themselves that they are happy. Maybe they are truly happy. Maybe because I see the other side of the world, I compare the two worlds together and decide which one is better in my preference. I do not know what it is, but I wish they are on the other side. I wonder if they will ever realize the truth in their lives. Also, I went to my youth group's bible study in the evening. Our youth group is falling apart. It kind of made me sad. We don't have a youth pastor anymore, no stable leaders, and not very many committed individuals. Because we don't have a pastor, our English Ministry pastor sort of leads the group, but it's mostly the staff taking care of the growth. 3 out of 4 staff are still in college, and one of them can only come down on the weekends. So it's pretty different from Gracepoint in that....well it's really different. I'm pretty sure it's not too different from when I was there in highschool, but now that I experienced Gracepoint, it kind of makes me sad looking at the youth. I feel like I really want to help in some way, but at the same time, I don't know how much of a help I can be from far away. But what encourages me is that there are some individuals who are really seeking out the truth, and really wanting to have a relationship with God. Most people, I feel like, come to have fun and the message is just another thing. Christianity is just a Friday/Sunday thing. They really need a stronger foundation and some of the leaders need stronger foundation also. Just imagining, if I went to UCI or UCLA, I probably would have served as a leader. And knowing me back then, there's A LOT of differences between me now and me back then. And thinking about how that me back then could have led those youth students, I wouldn't want that right now. I'm sure the college students/staff need some kind of a growth also, but I mean what can I do. Just one more thing I should pray for.
Through this experience, I realized and became even more grateful of my leaders and never giving up on me even though I was so blinded to my sins. It's so funny looking back and how I thought I didn't need leaders to grow and how I can grow on my own, but leaders are truly important. Spiritual leaders that can guide me and always keep me accountable. Spirituals leaders who set examples and show me how to live a better Christian life.
Ephesians 4:11, "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers."
God didn't just appoint some random people to be teachers and pastors to be there for nothing. They are who I need in order for me to grow. I thank God for all my leaders, carefully placed in different places in my life.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
First Post
I guess I haven't posted in a month even though I said I'll try to at least once a week. That failed as school work piled up and procrastination took over me. I would always think, "I can do this later. This is not that important," and a week always ends up passing quickly. Similarly, I've been becoming lazier and lazier about doing homework and going to class. I can feel myself waking up later and later or feeling like I don't want to get out of bed. This is what usually happens every semester around this time, but I was determined to change. Even though I feel like being lazy, I am constantly pushing myself (with the help of others) to not be lazy and get out of this loop. The truth is I don't like to be lazy either. So I am starting this again, so that I can constantly push myself to procrastinate less and be on top of things.
Starting couple weeks ago, I realized that I wasn't very reflective. Well, I knew this from before, and part of the reason why I started this blog was because of that reason. But, starting last week, I felt the need to push myself to be more reflective. As I was in DT groups and sharing about how God spoke to me, there was something not full about my sharing compared to other people who shared after me. In a way, I was a little jealous and envious towards the people who were able to share really well, but most of all, I was frustrated at myself for not being able to reflect. I began to feel more distant from God, and there was this conflict between what I wanted to do and what I was able to do. What I wanted to do was to reflect and dig deeper, but what I was able to do was just reach a dead end while reflecting.
I'm glad that I confronted my leader about this issue. All these times, I knew that I wasn't really reflecting too much, but I think my pride stopped me from approaching him and pretend that I was good. It was hard asking him for help. After service on one sunday, I was going to talk to him, but I became a coward and stopped myself. That would usually be the end of it when I wanted to talk to my leader, but this time it was different. I went back to him and asked for help. He sat me down and asked me a lot of questions about why I couldn't reflect or what I was doing. Most of the answers that I gave were "I don't know." I truly didn't know too much about myself.
He told me that he struggled with the same issue when he was a sophomore, and the thing that helped him reflect was to keep digging deeper and not being satisfied with the answer that I was giving. He walked me through some reflection questions that I can keep asking to myself to go deeper. What I had to do was settle on one topic and keep examining my thoughts and dig deeper by asking different questions. "What motives did I have when I did this?" "What are some specific ways that I am this?" "Why did I want to do this?" Then, he went through an example passage with me and asked me the same exact questions, and I was told to answer. By doing this, I could tell that I was reflecting better.
Honestly, this past few weeks have been hard in two ways. It was hard just reflecting and thinking of those questions constantly and not being satisfied with shallow answers. But it was hard when I DID reflect and revealed some parts of my thoughts. It really hurt my pride because I thought I was a good person, but by reflecting and examining different motives, I am truly evil inside. "For all have sinned and fall short of glory of God" -Romans 3:23. I am indeed a sinner.
Looking back, it wasn't that I didn't know about myself. It was that I didn't WANT to know about myself. I was always afraid of digging deeper and finding out the motives behind the things i did because I knew that I was evil inside. Now, I am not afraid to look inside because it has to be revealed in some way. Through that, though, God works in us to mature us and make us complete. I am happy that I am reflecting more. I still have long ways to go, but now I am not afraid.
Starting couple weeks ago, I realized that I wasn't very reflective. Well, I knew this from before, and part of the reason why I started this blog was because of that reason. But, starting last week, I felt the need to push myself to be more reflective. As I was in DT groups and sharing about how God spoke to me, there was something not full about my sharing compared to other people who shared after me. In a way, I was a little jealous and envious towards the people who were able to share really well, but most of all, I was frustrated at myself for not being able to reflect. I began to feel more distant from God, and there was this conflict between what I wanted to do and what I was able to do. What I wanted to do was to reflect and dig deeper, but what I was able to do was just reach a dead end while reflecting.
I'm glad that I confronted my leader about this issue. All these times, I knew that I wasn't really reflecting too much, but I think my pride stopped me from approaching him and pretend that I was good. It was hard asking him for help. After service on one sunday, I was going to talk to him, but I became a coward and stopped myself. That would usually be the end of it when I wanted to talk to my leader, but this time it was different. I went back to him and asked for help. He sat me down and asked me a lot of questions about why I couldn't reflect or what I was doing. Most of the answers that I gave were "I don't know." I truly didn't know too much about myself.
He told me that he struggled with the same issue when he was a sophomore, and the thing that helped him reflect was to keep digging deeper and not being satisfied with the answer that I was giving. He walked me through some reflection questions that I can keep asking to myself to go deeper. What I had to do was settle on one topic and keep examining my thoughts and dig deeper by asking different questions. "What motives did I have when I did this?" "What are some specific ways that I am this?" "Why did I want to do this?" Then, he went through an example passage with me and asked me the same exact questions, and I was told to answer. By doing this, I could tell that I was reflecting better.
Honestly, this past few weeks have been hard in two ways. It was hard just reflecting and thinking of those questions constantly and not being satisfied with shallow answers. But it was hard when I DID reflect and revealed some parts of my thoughts. It really hurt my pride because I thought I was a good person, but by reflecting and examining different motives, I am truly evil inside. "For all have sinned and fall short of glory of God" -Romans 3:23. I am indeed a sinner.
Looking back, it wasn't that I didn't know about myself. It was that I didn't WANT to know about myself. I was always afraid of digging deeper and finding out the motives behind the things i did because I knew that I was evil inside. Now, I am not afraid to look inside because it has to be revealed in some way. Through that, though, God works in us to mature us and make us complete. I am happy that I am reflecting more. I still have long ways to go, but now I am not afraid.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Snow Trip
Yesterday, Koinonia freshmen and sophomores went to Sierra Lodge for a snow trip. I was part of the early crew to prepare the place for others to come. Our car stopped by Davis to pick up some supplies for Sierra Lodge, but there was SO much traffic. Usually, it would take at most 3 hours to get to Sierra Lodge, but it took us maybe 4-5 hours total...But, It was actually pretty exciting going early and just shoveling snow and making pathways for people. It was hard work, but it was fun at the same time. Others all came around 10 or 11pm, and we just played different games and hung out with freshmen. Then, we had a campfire at night, and I think we all went to sleep around 230 or 3 in the morning. The next day, we went on a hike and played some games in the snow. I think my favorite part was just getting a lot of snow in my arms and just throwing little by little to one person, sort of like a machine gun. I don't want to go too in depth about what happened. I mean this blog is for me to write my feelings after all.
I think this trip was really good in the sense that I got to meet a lot of new people. Last semester, I didn't get to meet a lot of freshmen because of how the structure worked out and different factors. I think this trip was the first time where the sophomores and the freshmen actually did something together WITHOUT the juniors. Surprisingly, I knew a lot of freshmen already. I thought my interactions with the freshmen were nonexistent, but I guess all those times spent at Durant Loft paid off. However, there were a lot of people that I didn't know. It was amazing getting to know them, and knowing that I was once at their shoes makes me want to help them grow. Even though I didn't get to talk for a long time or get deeper in our relationship, this still was a step in growing closer together. Just looking at the relationship that our staffs have right now, I can't wait until I have those relationships with younger/older brothers and sisters and my peers. From the snow trip, I saw the different interactions that the older staff was having with the younger staff and just having fun while ministering together. The relationship that Nathan Chung and Sean's class has with Mike Kim and Albert Kim is like the relationship I'll have with my peers and the freshmen class. Even though we are not at that same level, I believe that this was a step, and I really look forward to this semester.
There's something else I want to talk about, but I guess it's too late right now. I'll write it later.
I think this trip was really good in the sense that I got to meet a lot of new people. Last semester, I didn't get to meet a lot of freshmen because of how the structure worked out and different factors. I think this trip was the first time where the sophomores and the freshmen actually did something together WITHOUT the juniors. Surprisingly, I knew a lot of freshmen already. I thought my interactions with the freshmen were nonexistent, but I guess all those times spent at Durant Loft paid off. However, there were a lot of people that I didn't know. It was amazing getting to know them, and knowing that I was once at their shoes makes me want to help them grow. Even though I didn't get to talk for a long time or get deeper in our relationship, this still was a step in growing closer together. Just looking at the relationship that our staffs have right now, I can't wait until I have those relationships with younger/older brothers and sisters and my peers. From the snow trip, I saw the different interactions that the older staff was having with the younger staff and just having fun while ministering together. The relationship that Nathan Chung and Sean's class has with Mike Kim and Albert Kim is like the relationship I'll have with my peers and the freshmen class. Even though we are not at that same level, I believe that this was a step, and I really look forward to this semester.
There's something else I want to talk about, but I guess it's too late right now. I'll write it later.
Friday, January 20, 2012
College Retreat
What an amazing weekend. After I came back from the SD mission trip, I left to the college retreat with Gracepoint this past weekend. I don't know what to say other than to say that it was spiritually refreshing. We had total of 7 different session throughout the 3 days that we were there. Each session consisted of couple testimonies and a sermon dealing with the topics that were mentioned in the testimonies. One session was a break out session, where there were many different talks going on at the same time and we had to choose one to go to. I, along with many of the sophomore brothers, chose to go to Science and Faith. I wanted to go because the speaker was going to be Richard Tijhen, a freshmen staff at our church who is very intellectual in the science field. In the seminar, we addressed a central issue, are science and faith complementary or contradictory? Something interesting that he said was that science and faith are not contradictory, but the world views are contradictory. Science seeks to understand the physical world, and theology seeks to understand the spiritual world. However, Naturalism says that scientific truth is the ONLY truth....EVEN though this is a belief itself can't be proven with scientific truth. This also requires faith and doesn't give explanation. A lot of the evidences that he provided was the things I already studied before, but it was a good reminder and good teaching of the different strategies.
I loved the testimonies. Each of the testimony shared by our own staffs in Gracepoint talked about how they were immature in different ways. There were so many aspects that I never thought were immaturities before. Some of them include giving into your emotional anger, escaping from reality through running away and even watching disney movies, or lying about grades. As usual, some testimonies talked about the blessings of keeping boundaries in relationships and their views on the nuclear family. One testimony that I related to really well (not that I didn't relate to some of them) was the one on lordship decision that Jon Chou gave. Basically, if I were to cut out the first half of his testimony, I could put it into mine. The only thing different about it would have been that I didn't have that realization of my pride. He talked about how he understood God and Christianity intellectually, but never went further to examine his life and never went further than acknowledgement of the messages. Even though he was one of the very respected individual in his youth group and never did anything bad in his life, he threw away his pride and made his decision to follow Christ. Then, Pastor Ed talked about what it really means to make a Lordship decision and what it really means to follow Christ. One thing that really stuck out to me was the pie chart he created describing different aspects of our lives. The question he asked was, "Does he occupy every aspect of my life?" Is God who he is in my life? Another thing he did was that he drew an inner circle inside the pie chart and shaded the circle, and he said that this is where we are now. We will never be perfect in giving up everything in our lives because we are not perfect. It will take time to give everything to God. This is when the message became real to me, and I was contemplating more than usual. This is when I realized that I was like the Pharisees as Jon Chou said. I was relating to the messages in an intellectual way and not too much deeper.
Some background story I guess. I wasn't born in a Christian family, but I started to go to church regularly at the end of 8th grade. So there was a time when I wasn't a Christian. If I looked at my life before that retreat, I would have said I was living a Christian life. I had realized that I was a sinner in need of Jesus Christ and I had been wanting to serve God. However, what really confused me was that middle part. There wasn't a clear point in my life when I became a Christian and made my decision. In my freshmen year, there were many times that I pondered whether or not I was a christian because I never had a point in which I committed my life to Christ. What I had were many significant points in my life that I realized different aspects of God and christianity and had many signification dedications to follow Christ starting my senior year.
As I was saying, I had many doubts afterwards if I was even a christian. Can I even call myself a Christian? "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" -Matthew 7:21-23. I wondered if that person would be me. I calmed my wandering mind by settling that I am living a life for God, but that thought came back again and again, multiple times in my freshmen year.
After the message and the testimony, I was talking to one of my leaders, and that thought came back to me. I told my leader that I didn't know if I was a Christian because there wasn't a clear point when I made that decision. When I shared what I thought about the message and the testimony, he told me some profound words. He said that if I were to die right now, he's pretty sure that I will go to heaven. This doubt that I had was the exact reason why people make decisions public and clearly mark the point when you make the decision. He shared about a passage in Joshua how God told Joshua to put stones after crossing the Jordan river in memorial so that when people ask what that stone is, they can remember all the things God provided for them. In the same way, it is important to make that spiritual marker so that when I look back, I can say, with certainty, that this is when I decided and this is when I made that commitment. It will help me grow in my faith. One more thing he said that struck me was that the only thing that is stopping me is pride.
That one statement pierced my heart. That one statement made me realize the pride that was in my heart. Although I knew that I was prideful, there was another side of my pride that I hadn't realized before. The pride that was stopping me. The pride that Jon Chou talked about in his testimony how he was keeping an image as a good christian and how he valued other people's opinions over his own being. I was just like that. I wanted to keep an image of being a christian and I wanted people to know that I was a christian. By submitting to these declaration of lordship decisions, I was afraid of what that would make me. I was constantly confused whether or not I was a Christian, but my pride stopped me from thinking harder and from making that decision public. After talking with my leader, I prayed that I can make that decision and I prayed before making that decision to ask for God's assistance in throwing away my pride. That night, I made my Lordship decision public. I have publicly announced that I am going to give up every aspect of my life to God and I wasn't ashamed about it.
After the message, we shared by our life groups. My other leader shared that this public announcement is very important. He gave an analogy to marriage. Imagine a couple that love each other and is going to get married. Why do they have a wedding ceremony and a ring ceremony? They know that they love each other and they want to live with each other. Why spend so much money and time to publicly announce that they are married? He said that it is to look back in memorial to say that this was when we finally devoted our lives to each other. In the same way, this public announcement and this spiritual marker is like a memorial to look back to say that this was when I finally devoted my life to Christ. This heavy burden of doubts and pride got lifted up that night, and I am so glad that I made my decision public. Many people were confused that night, but I was finally not confused. People came up to me to congratulate me, and at first I didn't know what to say because I thought people congratulate you for making a salvation decision for the first time, and that didn't apply to me. However, I soon realized that this is also another celebration, and this is also a big recommitment to God. So I said thank you.
Thank God for the great things that happened at the retreat. There were numerous salvation and lordship decisions and significant recommitment. Most sophomores made lordship decisions and made significant recommitments. I was really happy and excited about that. Also, one more thing I heard is that majority of the freshmen who went to retreat made their salvation decision! Praise the Lord!
I had some good sharing time with my sophomore brothers that night and it is a night that I can recall with great clarity. We definitely got even closer through this retreat.
The passage that I will remember forever.
Joshua 4:1-7
"When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, "Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twleve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests are standing, and carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight." So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever"
I loved the testimonies. Each of the testimony shared by our own staffs in Gracepoint talked about how they were immature in different ways. There were so many aspects that I never thought were immaturities before. Some of them include giving into your emotional anger, escaping from reality through running away and even watching disney movies, or lying about grades. As usual, some testimonies talked about the blessings of keeping boundaries in relationships and their views on the nuclear family. One testimony that I related to really well (not that I didn't relate to some of them) was the one on lordship decision that Jon Chou gave. Basically, if I were to cut out the first half of his testimony, I could put it into mine. The only thing different about it would have been that I didn't have that realization of my pride. He talked about how he understood God and Christianity intellectually, but never went further to examine his life and never went further than acknowledgement of the messages. Even though he was one of the very respected individual in his youth group and never did anything bad in his life, he threw away his pride and made his decision to follow Christ. Then, Pastor Ed talked about what it really means to make a Lordship decision and what it really means to follow Christ. One thing that really stuck out to me was the pie chart he created describing different aspects of our lives. The question he asked was, "Does he occupy every aspect of my life?" Is God who he is in my life? Another thing he did was that he drew an inner circle inside the pie chart and shaded the circle, and he said that this is where we are now. We will never be perfect in giving up everything in our lives because we are not perfect. It will take time to give everything to God. This is when the message became real to me, and I was contemplating more than usual. This is when I realized that I was like the Pharisees as Jon Chou said. I was relating to the messages in an intellectual way and not too much deeper.
Some background story I guess. I wasn't born in a Christian family, but I started to go to church regularly at the end of 8th grade. So there was a time when I wasn't a Christian. If I looked at my life before that retreat, I would have said I was living a Christian life. I had realized that I was a sinner in need of Jesus Christ and I had been wanting to serve God. However, what really confused me was that middle part. There wasn't a clear point in my life when I became a Christian and made my decision. In my freshmen year, there were many times that I pondered whether or not I was a christian because I never had a point in which I committed my life to Christ. What I had were many significant points in my life that I realized different aspects of God and christianity and had many signification dedications to follow Christ starting my senior year.
As I was saying, I had many doubts afterwards if I was even a christian. Can I even call myself a Christian? "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'" -Matthew 7:21-23. I wondered if that person would be me. I calmed my wandering mind by settling that I am living a life for God, but that thought came back again and again, multiple times in my freshmen year.
After the message and the testimony, I was talking to one of my leaders, and that thought came back to me. I told my leader that I didn't know if I was a Christian because there wasn't a clear point when I made that decision. When I shared what I thought about the message and the testimony, he told me some profound words. He said that if I were to die right now, he's pretty sure that I will go to heaven. This doubt that I had was the exact reason why people make decisions public and clearly mark the point when you make the decision. He shared about a passage in Joshua how God told Joshua to put stones after crossing the Jordan river in memorial so that when people ask what that stone is, they can remember all the things God provided for them. In the same way, it is important to make that spiritual marker so that when I look back, I can say, with certainty, that this is when I decided and this is when I made that commitment. It will help me grow in my faith. One more thing he said that struck me was that the only thing that is stopping me is pride.
That one statement pierced my heart. That one statement made me realize the pride that was in my heart. Although I knew that I was prideful, there was another side of my pride that I hadn't realized before. The pride that was stopping me. The pride that Jon Chou talked about in his testimony how he was keeping an image as a good christian and how he valued other people's opinions over his own being. I was just like that. I wanted to keep an image of being a christian and I wanted people to know that I was a christian. By submitting to these declaration of lordship decisions, I was afraid of what that would make me. I was constantly confused whether or not I was a Christian, but my pride stopped me from thinking harder and from making that decision public. After talking with my leader, I prayed that I can make that decision and I prayed before making that decision to ask for God's assistance in throwing away my pride. That night, I made my Lordship decision public. I have publicly announced that I am going to give up every aspect of my life to God and I wasn't ashamed about it.
After the message, we shared by our life groups. My other leader shared that this public announcement is very important. He gave an analogy to marriage. Imagine a couple that love each other and is going to get married. Why do they have a wedding ceremony and a ring ceremony? They know that they love each other and they want to live with each other. Why spend so much money and time to publicly announce that they are married? He said that it is to look back in memorial to say that this was when we finally devoted our lives to each other. In the same way, this public announcement and this spiritual marker is like a memorial to look back to say that this was when I finally devoted my life to Christ. This heavy burden of doubts and pride got lifted up that night, and I am so glad that I made my decision public. Many people were confused that night, but I was finally not confused. People came up to me to congratulate me, and at first I didn't know what to say because I thought people congratulate you for making a salvation decision for the first time, and that didn't apply to me. However, I soon realized that this is also another celebration, and this is also a big recommitment to God. So I said thank you.
Thank God for the great things that happened at the retreat. There were numerous salvation and lordship decisions and significant recommitment. Most sophomores made lordship decisions and made significant recommitments. I was really happy and excited about that. Also, one more thing I heard is that majority of the freshmen who went to retreat made their salvation decision! Praise the Lord!
I had some good sharing time with my sophomore brothers that night and it is a night that I can recall with great clarity. We definitely got even closer through this retreat.
The passage that I will remember forever.
Joshua 4:1-7
"When the whole nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, "Choose twelve men from among the people, one from each tribe, and tell them to take up twleve stones from the middle of the Jordan, from right where the priests are standing, and carry them over with you and put them down at the place where you stay tonight." So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe, and said to them, "Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever"
Friday, January 13, 2012
SD Mission Trip
So this past week, I experienced something that I'll never forget. I got a chance to go to UCSD with my church to help out with the welcome week over there. There were over 100 people from Berkeley, SF, and Austin all at the UCSD campus. I got picked up on Friday to go to SD, and on Saturday, it was an all day training at UC Riverside. It was nice seeing all the people that we were going to serve with and just learning the skills needed for the mission trip. Everything that I experienced in San Diego was a blessing. As I am reflecting on what happened, I can confidently say that I have grown a lot.
I don't want to write everything and all the encounters that I had at SD because that will take forever and this post will become really really long; however, what I want to say that is God works great things with sinners like us. I learned that anything is possible with God. Not that I didn’t know this before, but I was reminded again how powerful God is. By praying for the campus, the students, and the event daily and devoting my time to inviting new students, God was backing me up with powerful words and strength. Before the mission trip, I had the fear of rejection and fear of starting conversations, but after I got through those fears and after reminding myself that what I fear doesn’t matter with God, everything went smoothly. I eventually overcame those fears. Now I can flyer confidently and go outreaching at the dining commons. God provided me with numerous windows of opportunity, and it was my responsibility to take those. In this mission trip, there were numerous instances where God gave me either that opening to go into a spiritual conversation or someone who is sitting by himself. When I took those chances, I know that God used me in different ways. I can see myself being used by God for his Kingdom, and this is a lifestyle that I would like to have: working for God along with others.
One thing that I really experienced at this retreat is the community that I have at Gracepoint. There were times when I had bad encounters or bad conversations with strangers, and even if my day didn't go as well as I expected, hearing successful stories of fellow workers energized me and made me excited. Each night, we had a team time, a time when we can share encouraging stories that happened throughout the day. All the stories that I heard, even though they didn't involve me, it made me happy and excited at the same time. The fact that more than hundred of us are reaching out to numerous people on this campus is an amazing site to see. Everywhere I went, there was someone from my church reaching out to someone random that they have never met. Along with that, each night, we had a Team Time, where we can share our experiences throughout the day and our wins and losses. Whatever the story was, we cheered each other up or praised the Lord for working through us. Jin's message and reference to the Incredibles truly came to life these moments. During the Middle School Retreat, he showed the final scene in the Incredibles when the family and Frozone is fighting off that big metal monster. Each has different roles in the fight and by working together, they are able to defeat the monster. In the same way, we are all different soldiers "attacking" (by spreading the Word) the people on the campus, and we come back together each night cheering each other on or congratulating on the success of the mission. I felt like I was on a secret mission or something.
I also experienced how powerful God is and how he can use anyone, even a sinner like me, to bring people a step closer to Christ. One thing I will cherish and constantly remember from this trip is the parable of the sower. A lot of times, I can be caught up in the result of the conversation, whether it turned into a spiritual conversation or the person came out to the event. A lot of times, I found myself not being satisfied with some conversations. However, that is not the case. Maybe, God has been working in that person's life, but he's not ready yet. Maybe, God has been working and he is ready. Whatever his state might be, if I trusted God, I probably made some kind of an impact on that person's life whether or not the conversation didn't turn into a spiritual one. I am just scattering the seed.
Mark 4:3-8
"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times"
I really enjoyed this trip, and I am excited to go back to Berkeley. Because the experiences that I had in UCSD applies directly to UC Berkeley. I can use the same tactics and strategies on our own campus. Thank you God for this awesome opportunity.
I don't want to write everything and all the encounters that I had at SD because that will take forever and this post will become really really long; however, what I want to say that is God works great things with sinners like us. I learned that anything is possible with God. Not that I didn’t know this before, but I was reminded again how powerful God is. By praying for the campus, the students, and the event daily and devoting my time to inviting new students, God was backing me up with powerful words and strength. Before the mission trip, I had the fear of rejection and fear of starting conversations, but after I got through those fears and after reminding myself that what I fear doesn’t matter with God, everything went smoothly. I eventually overcame those fears. Now I can flyer confidently and go outreaching at the dining commons. God provided me with numerous windows of opportunity, and it was my responsibility to take those. In this mission trip, there were numerous instances where God gave me either that opening to go into a spiritual conversation or someone who is sitting by himself. When I took those chances, I know that God used me in different ways. I can see myself being used by God for his Kingdom, and this is a lifestyle that I would like to have: working for God along with others.
One thing that I really experienced at this retreat is the community that I have at Gracepoint. There were times when I had bad encounters or bad conversations with strangers, and even if my day didn't go as well as I expected, hearing successful stories of fellow workers energized me and made me excited. Each night, we had a team time, a time when we can share encouraging stories that happened throughout the day. All the stories that I heard, even though they didn't involve me, it made me happy and excited at the same time. The fact that more than hundred of us are reaching out to numerous people on this campus is an amazing site to see. Everywhere I went, there was someone from my church reaching out to someone random that they have never met. Along with that, each night, we had a Team Time, where we can share our experiences throughout the day and our wins and losses. Whatever the story was, we cheered each other up or praised the Lord for working through us. Jin's message and reference to the Incredibles truly came to life these moments. During the Middle School Retreat, he showed the final scene in the Incredibles when the family and Frozone is fighting off that big metal monster. Each has different roles in the fight and by working together, they are able to defeat the monster. In the same way, we are all different soldiers "attacking" (by spreading the Word) the people on the campus, and we come back together each night cheering each other on or congratulating on the success of the mission. I felt like I was on a secret mission or something.
I also experienced how powerful God is and how he can use anyone, even a sinner like me, to bring people a step closer to Christ. One thing I will cherish and constantly remember from this trip is the parable of the sower. A lot of times, I can be caught up in the result of the conversation, whether it turned into a spiritual conversation or the person came out to the event. A lot of times, I found myself not being satisfied with some conversations. However, that is not the case. Maybe, God has been working in that person's life, but he's not ready yet. Maybe, God has been working and he is ready. Whatever his state might be, if I trusted God, I probably made some kind of an impact on that person's life whether or not the conversation didn't turn into a spiritual one. I am just scattering the seed.
Mark 4:3-8
"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times"
I really enjoyed this trip, and I am excited to go back to Berkeley. Because the experiences that I had in UCSD applies directly to UC Berkeley. I can use the same tactics and strategies on our own campus. Thank you God for this awesome opportunity.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
First post....
I guess I am actually going to start a blog...looool i can't believe it myself yes.. i can't..But starting off the new year with this resolution. Going to update my blog at least once a week. I thought it would be better for me to just express my feelings more. If I don't know my feelings, who will?
So I'll start off with this post. I got the opportunity to serve in my home church's youth retreat this past week. The theme was "Dare," and the key passage for the retreat was Luke 9:23: "Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'" Basically, the pastors challenged and dared the students deny themselves to put Christ into their lives. I say pastors because it was a combined retreat with 6 different churches. We've been part of this Winter conference called Second Nature, and this year was the 4th annual Winter Conference. Our church had total of 30 people, with 24 of them being students from grades 7th to 12th. I was the small group leader for the 7th and 8th graders. Enough with the logistics...
It was amazing to see how God answered my prayers. When I usually help out with my home church retreats, I usually get put with the juniors/seniors for small groups because I already have a good relationship with them, but when I found that I was going to be leading the 7th and 8th graders, I was scared. Because I was gone for the most of the school year (i was at berkeley), I didn't have a relationship with the new 7th graders and the 8th graders. I just knew of them as little kids when I was still in youth group. It was good that I wasn't a total stranger, but I was still afraid of how I would lead them during small group time. I asked some people to pray that I will be able to connect with my small group and that they will open up to me even though it's not a long time that we're spending together. I was so thankful because they were warm towards me. They already had a great relationship with each other, so the problem of opening up to each other wasn't an issue. After couple discussion times after sermons, we got more personal with each other and eventually led to closer examination to each individual's lives. I thank God that my students were able to open up to me like that and I thank God for giving me the strength.
So I'll start off with this post. I got the opportunity to serve in my home church's youth retreat this past week. The theme was "Dare," and the key passage for the retreat was Luke 9:23: "Then he said to them all: 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.'" Basically, the pastors challenged and dared the students deny themselves to put Christ into their lives. I say pastors because it was a combined retreat with 6 different churches. We've been part of this Winter conference called Second Nature, and this year was the 4th annual Winter Conference. Our church had total of 30 people, with 24 of them being students from grades 7th to 12th. I was the small group leader for the 7th and 8th graders. Enough with the logistics...
It was amazing to see how God answered my prayers. When I usually help out with my home church retreats, I usually get put with the juniors/seniors for small groups because I already have a good relationship with them, but when I found that I was going to be leading the 7th and 8th graders, I was scared. Because I was gone for the most of the school year (i was at berkeley), I didn't have a relationship with the new 7th graders and the 8th graders. I just knew of them as little kids when I was still in youth group. It was good that I wasn't a total stranger, but I was still afraid of how I would lead them during small group time. I asked some people to pray that I will be able to connect with my small group and that they will open up to me even though it's not a long time that we're spending together. I was so thankful because they were warm towards me. They already had a great relationship with each other, so the problem of opening up to each other wasn't an issue. After couple discussion times after sermons, we got more personal with each other and eventually led to closer examination to each individual's lives. I thank God that my students were able to open up to me like that and I thank God for giving me the strength.
Also, one thing I was thankful for was all the DT's that I managed to do this past year, especially the Revelation DT series. In a lot of the small group time, one student would ask a question, and that would start a rapid fire of many different questions. Surprisingly, the students had knowledge of variety of topics. Those topics included the end times/signs, free will vs. predestination, and a lot about Christian apologetics. I was so thankful for Course 101 and all the different books, and really again the DT's. Without them, I wouldn't have been able to answer their curios minds.
On the last night, there was an altar call, so the pastor asked if anyone would like to commit their lives to Jesus or recommit and rededicate their lives. The room had maybe around 200 people, and basically everyone except around 30 people went up to rededicate or accept Christ as their Lord. This sight was really amazing to see, and it reminded me again why I was serving at this retreat. Even though I was really tired from being alert and watching out for the students, staff meeting late at night, waking up early and being responsible, seeing the students really examine their hearts and recommit their lives energized me. Then, we got a chance to pray for each other and one another. Again, the sight of my small group praying for each other one by one, these little short middle schoolers experiencing God and trying to live out a Christian life energized me.
I learned to gain strength from God and through prayer God works great things, like Philippians 4:13 says "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Even though things may seem improbable or I might be scared, I just need to pray and ask for prayers from others.
I'll share a verse that summarizes my learning experience.
Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your request to God."
On the last night, there was an altar call, so the pastor asked if anyone would like to commit their lives to Jesus or recommit and rededicate their lives. The room had maybe around 200 people, and basically everyone except around 30 people went up to rededicate or accept Christ as their Lord. This sight was really amazing to see, and it reminded me again why I was serving at this retreat. Even though I was really tired from being alert and watching out for the students, staff meeting late at night, waking up early and being responsible, seeing the students really examine their hearts and recommit their lives energized me. Then, we got a chance to pray for each other and one another. Again, the sight of my small group praying for each other one by one, these little short middle schoolers experiencing God and trying to live out a Christian life energized me.
I learned to gain strength from God and through prayer God works great things, like Philippians 4:13 says "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Even though things may seem improbable or I might be scared, I just need to pray and ask for prayers from others.
I'll share a verse that summarizes my learning experience.
Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your request to God."
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