Want to remember this later

DT for Friday 1/4/13

Genesis 13:16 "I will make your offspring as the dust of the earth, so that if one can count the dust of the earth, your offspring also can be counted"

Genesis 14:22-23 "I have lifted my hands to the LORD, God Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth, that I would not take a thread or a sandal strap or anything that is yours, lest you should say, 'I have made Abram rich'"

Genesis 15:1 "Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great"

Genesis 15:6 "And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness"

Reading about Abram inspires me and warns me at the same time. When Abram is offered the goods by the king of Sodom, he rejects, showing his dependence on God and not on man. I think about just in the current world, how I would react to something like this. The goods that were offered to Abram were probably very valuable, not just couple dollars here. I would have probably gladly accepted, just thinking of it as a reward on the side. It wouldn't hurt to accept the gift that the king is giving to me, out of respect, I would have taken it. But seeing how Abram rejected those gifts made me wonder why I would take those goods and not Abram. All I see inside of me is selfishness, not seeing how God really provides. If God really does provide, then I don't need any reward from the earth. If Abram were to accept the goods, then he isn't trusting God wholly. It would be something like God thank you for providing, but here's something for myself as a reward for what I did on earth. His response in 14:22 seems very admirable. I have given full surrender to God, and I don't need those goods, but through God, who is the provider of all things, I can live. I wish to have that kind of attitude when similar opportunities come up, and I can surrender to God. Turn all glory to God.

I guess continuing this same theme, God tells Abram to not fear for God is his shield, and that his reward shall be very great. God affirms Abram that his reward will be great. This wouldn't have happened if he turned to temporary rewards of what the king gave him. Nothing that I gain on this earth will matter in the future, yet I still seem to hold on to idols of this world. God promises me that the reward will be great if I am to follow his ways. This seems so clear, but it seems like I still worry. Worries of money and future. These seem to be a recurring thing in my life. I still see myself reluctant to put money in the offering basket, especially at home, and I still see myself wanting to pay for younger students, but something screaming at me to stop. I want to go where my heart goes. Even though God has made it VERY clear that he provides through numerous instances, I still want to control things on my own. I must say that I am slowly letting go and letting God control, but I just don't understand why I keep on holding on even though the message is clear that God provides. It just indicates my lack of trust even though the evidence is clear. I guess I'm still stubborn that I need to do things on my own. As I see Abram's response, I want to emulate that. "He believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness." Abram believed that God will provide, and even though things seem uncertain to him, such as whether he'll have an offspring or not, but he believed in the Lord. I want to be like that, where I can fully let go of control. 

In Chapter 16, the actions of Abram warns me. I think he was a little impatient about his heir, so he hastily listens to Sarai to gain an heir. Even though God said in the beginning that he will make Abram's offsprings as the dust of the earth, meaning there will be countless number of offsprings, Abram just forgot about that. Often times, I do this too. I do this all the time. Through numerous experiences and messages, God has told me in numerous specific areas that He does provide. I just forget and become impatient with it. It's about God's timing and not mine. 

Psalm 4:2 "How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?"

Psalm 4:7 "You have put more joy in my heart that they have when their grain and wine abound"

This psalm seems fitting after my reflection on this section of Genesis. How long will I love VAIN words and seek after LIES? These vain words of promise that I will be successful when I depend on myself. These lies of the world that if I store up for myself, I will be secure. How long will I do this? Answer is so clear that God's ways are so much better than my ways. This has been the message of my life in college. God's ways are so much better than this. I hope that this message will be true in my life in the next semester and more.

Finally, Psalm 4:7 summarizes this past semester for me. I have realized the mundane and lifeless lifestyle of the real world. I look back to this past semester and think of what things I remember or what things brought me joy. It wasn't the cs project that I finally finished after 50 hours. It wasn't the paycheck that I received every month. It wasn't the internship I received, nor it was getting an A on this test. The things that were memorable and joyful were the times when I was hanging out with my peers, ministering to freshmen together, the Sierra Lodge trips with Freshmen, going to winterfest with bunch of freshmen and juniors, doing Course101 with Chris. Especially the last one, my joy in each week came from teaching God's heart and learning Chris's view on God. These were the most memorable from this semester. God has indeed put more joy in my heart than anything in the world could.

New Resolution

Ok, I am really going to do this every week. It's crazy how it's been a year since I've started this, having a new years resolution to start a blog. Although I haven't been too faithful in keeping up with it, I think I can do better this time. 1/1/13. These past few weeks have been a blessing. As the DT's guides my thoughts to what has been happening this past year, I can see how God has been working in me all these years. I can see how much I have matured in the past year alone.

Here are some ways that I have matured

The Bible as God's words and as our highest authority

-This past year has been the greatest year in me getting to know the Bible. Starting with SK1 in the spring semester, and junior discipleship in the fall semester, I have learned tremendously what God has been telling me all these years I went to church. I just can't believe how long it took me to get to where I am. God has been always speaking to me through the text, but I never realized the full potential of God's words. His words are truly the highest authority and contains so much wisdom. I have received the privilege of having this community teach the word in so much depth. I've been realizing this more and more as I come back home for breaks, and my knowledge of the Bible doesn't grow as much. The sermons that I hear here are nowhere in depth as the ones I hear in Berkeley. I just can't imagine that I have lived like this for the past 10 years I went to church. But more than looking at the past, I look at how much there is in store for me. With just one year, I have come to where I am now. I am nowhere near complete, but I have so much more year to learn about God's words. I am really excited to master God's words and have more knowledge. Truly as Psalm 119:105 says Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. Countless times I've experienced being lost, but God provided me with his words a light for my path. Whenever I'm struggling with anxieties or sins of lust, God's words provide a way out and guide me to holiness. And Hebrews 4:12 became more true for me as I have been realizing more and more about myself as the Bible points out the different flaws in me. It is truly a double-edged sword as it is a powerful weapon as well as a powerful indicator of my sins.

Personally experiencing and testifying to God's grace

-Truly, this year has been a blessing as I am realizing more and more of how sinful I am. God's grace is becoming more real. Before, I thought I understood what grace meant. I thought grace meant that God was so generous that he sent his only son to die for our sins. That is true, but it had no personal effect. Now grace means that I am helpless in my battle against sin because I keep falling and falling. Without grace, I am hopeless and I cannot save myself. But God, who was so gracious, loved me so much that He had no choice to send his son to die for us on the cross. Jesus Christ died for my sins and what I had done to Him, the very people who were nailing on the cross. That's what grace is. Ephesians 2:8-9. For it is by grace that I have been saved, not by my works because my works are evil. This past year, I've experienced many sinful things, especially with relationship with sisters, shallowness, self-deception. I've been realizing how shallow I am in terms of my thoughts, reflection upon DT's or messages. Because of my shallowness, the understanding doesn't' stick that long. That is why I have hard time remembering messages or DT's. It's because I don't reflect enough. God's grace is amazing and I wish to experience that more.

Being Faithful in Spiritual Discipline

-I have grown to be more disciplined this past year. In the beginning of the year, I still didn't see the full power of DT's. I still wasn't fully disciplined in doing DTs everyday. Over the course of the year, I learned how to do DTs, how to reflect deeper, and how to arrive at a personal connection with the Word. I can't believe that it was just a year ago that I didn't realize my sinfulness. It was only a year that I had this pride barrier blocking God from my life. I became more disciplined in reading and in reflecting. But still by the halfway point of the year, I hadn't fully understood reflection. This past semester, I have learned what it means to reflect about my actions in regards to Biblical truths, making decisions according to the truths in the Bible. I have learned what it means to discern what is good and what is not pleasing to the Lord. Because I have just realized these truths, I am still not experienced with constantly reflecting about my actions and deciding based on the truths not by how I feel. But I want to grow in this area. Psalm 1:2 says that the psalmist meditates not he law day and night. I realize I don't do that. I mean sure I might meditate time to time about some verses, but I don't do this day and night. But as I meditate on the law day and night, those laws will be truths to me and be engrained in me. This means that I will be able ego better discern what is pleasing to the Lord. This break, I need to constantly do DT's and have those verses in my mind so that I may not sin against God

-Sharing God's heart for the lost

I have definitely grown in this area this past year as I think about the drastic contrast of Sophomore year and Junior year. I was mainly focused on myself Sophomore year as I grew in my own way, just focusing on myself, which was not necessarily a bad thing. It's just that I missed many opportunities to love the lost because I was too selfish, worried about myself. But as Junior year came along, I was more willing to take risks, love the younger ones more. As the gospels became truer for me, I saw the need of the gospel for the younger ones. Also, the urgency of the gospel to the younger ones became played a central role. I just didn't want to die the next day with a lot of regrets, which made me take more risks in inviting the freshmen, getting food, or just trying my best to love the freshmen. I definitely want to grow more in this area as my love for them isn't complete. There are a lot of others who have no heard about Christ, who are lost. And a lot more students that will come in the future. I pray that God will guide me in trying to love more and more people and figure out new ideas of evangelism. I think I need to grow more in the area of evangelism. Evangelism wasn't a strong point to begin with for me because I am naturally awkward and introverted with strangers. I need to get more experienced at it. I did grow this past semester in terms of evangelism. I wanted to go out and reach out to more people during welcome week, and throughout the semester, I did go visit the dorms for outreach. Although it wasn't very fruitful, I did gain things out of it. And also, I need to be more prayerful when I am evangelizing. Next semester seems like interesting as I'll be more equipped and more willing to create more memories with others. 

This is just only a few of the many topics that I reflected on. God is good, and I'm excited to see what has in store for me this coming year.