Want to remember this later

DT for Friday 1/4/13

Genesis 13:16 "I will make your offspring as the dust of the earth, so that if one can count the dust of the earth, your offspring also can be counted"

Genesis 14:22-23 "I have lifted my hands to the LORD, God Most High, Possessor of heaven and earth, that I would not take a thread or a sandal strap or anything that is yours, lest you should say, 'I have made Abram rich'"

Genesis 15:1 "Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great"

Genesis 15:6 "And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness"

Reading about Abram inspires me and warns me at the same time. When Abram is offered the goods by the king of Sodom, he rejects, showing his dependence on God and not on man. I think about just in the current world, how I would react to something like this. The goods that were offered to Abram were probably very valuable, not just couple dollars here. I would have probably gladly accepted, just thinking of it as a reward on the side. It wouldn't hurt to accept the gift that the king is giving to me, out of respect, I would have taken it. But seeing how Abram rejected those gifts made me wonder why I would take those goods and not Abram. All I see inside of me is selfishness, not seeing how God really provides. If God really does provide, then I don't need any reward from the earth. If Abram were to accept the goods, then he isn't trusting God wholly. It would be something like God thank you for providing, but here's something for myself as a reward for what I did on earth. His response in 14:22 seems very admirable. I have given full surrender to God, and I don't need those goods, but through God, who is the provider of all things, I can live. I wish to have that kind of attitude when similar opportunities come up, and I can surrender to God. Turn all glory to God.

I guess continuing this same theme, God tells Abram to not fear for God is his shield, and that his reward shall be very great. God affirms Abram that his reward will be great. This wouldn't have happened if he turned to temporary rewards of what the king gave him. Nothing that I gain on this earth will matter in the future, yet I still seem to hold on to idols of this world. God promises me that the reward will be great if I am to follow his ways. This seems so clear, but it seems like I still worry. Worries of money and future. These seem to be a recurring thing in my life. I still see myself reluctant to put money in the offering basket, especially at home, and I still see myself wanting to pay for younger students, but something screaming at me to stop. I want to go where my heart goes. Even though God has made it VERY clear that he provides through numerous instances, I still want to control things on my own. I must say that I am slowly letting go and letting God control, but I just don't understand why I keep on holding on even though the message is clear that God provides. It just indicates my lack of trust even though the evidence is clear. I guess I'm still stubborn that I need to do things on my own. As I see Abram's response, I want to emulate that. "He believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness." Abram believed that God will provide, and even though things seem uncertain to him, such as whether he'll have an offspring or not, but he believed in the Lord. I want to be like that, where I can fully let go of control. 

In Chapter 16, the actions of Abram warns me. I think he was a little impatient about his heir, so he hastily listens to Sarai to gain an heir. Even though God said in the beginning that he will make Abram's offsprings as the dust of the earth, meaning there will be countless number of offsprings, Abram just forgot about that. Often times, I do this too. I do this all the time. Through numerous experiences and messages, God has told me in numerous specific areas that He does provide. I just forget and become impatient with it. It's about God's timing and not mine. 

Psalm 4:2 "How long will you love vain words and seek after lies?"

Psalm 4:7 "You have put more joy in my heart that they have when their grain and wine abound"

This psalm seems fitting after my reflection on this section of Genesis. How long will I love VAIN words and seek after LIES? These vain words of promise that I will be successful when I depend on myself. These lies of the world that if I store up for myself, I will be secure. How long will I do this? Answer is so clear that God's ways are so much better than my ways. This has been the message of my life in college. God's ways are so much better than this. I hope that this message will be true in my life in the next semester and more.

Finally, Psalm 4:7 summarizes this past semester for me. I have realized the mundane and lifeless lifestyle of the real world. I look back to this past semester and think of what things I remember or what things brought me joy. It wasn't the cs project that I finally finished after 50 hours. It wasn't the paycheck that I received every month. It wasn't the internship I received, nor it was getting an A on this test. The things that were memorable and joyful were the times when I was hanging out with my peers, ministering to freshmen together, the Sierra Lodge trips with Freshmen, going to winterfest with bunch of freshmen and juniors, doing Course101 with Chris. Especially the last one, my joy in each week came from teaching God's heart and learning Chris's view on God. These were the most memorable from this semester. God has indeed put more joy in my heart than anything in the world could.